I'm Jeff Morrow, and I'm here to find out if Hot Pockets really do taste amazing

[jackulator]

they don't

on that note, roy and I woke up at the crack of 1:30 pm, after band practice, severely hung over... played a little Mario Kart 8 and caught the bus home... I drank a duece of yeungling and a glass of box wine before we left, so I had a nice buzz on. the plan was to go back to my place, and if he didn't have to leave to go participate in my brother's daytime shoot of his cable access show we were gonna order food, watch some NFL Rewind, and do some calls... so we get to my place, and I'm balls-deep in a six pack of Becks, and he calls Jim and finds out they don't need him until 7, so we decide to order food -- from this new place that has an insane menu... just page after page of reasonably-priced entrees and appetizers... so we spend $30 (and I go outside to hop on my bike to pick it up and find my fucking bike was stolen... story for another time), and we go pick it up and come home and it was absolutely disgusting...

1. Panino (a fucking sesame seed roll with some sauce slathered on and a little meat (2.5 out of 5 stars)
2. meatlovers calzone (really undercooked and floppy, saggy, and somehow wet) (1 star)
3. french fries (really undercooked, floppy, saggy, and somehow wet) (1 star)
4. 'beef patty' we ordered this because there was no description and we wanted to see what it was... it was a yellow sleeve of meat paste... (undercooked, floppy... smelled fermented when it shouldn't have been...) (1 star)
5. chicken nuggets (dark brown, tiny, hard as a rock, with 'blue cheese' that was as runny as milk and smelled foul) (1 star)

so yeah... it was fucking disgusting. so disgusting that roy spent the next hour talking about how he felt just 'off' enough that he thought he might end up throwing up later...

$30 for the privilege of throwing up...

seems to me this is criminal. you shouldn't feel like you might throw up after you buy something and eat it. maybe if you find a mushroom covered in pig shit in the woods, but not if you pay actual money for it...

[CallMeBronco]

Did you save any of it? If you did, I would take it in to the place and show it to them, [making sure other customers are around] and ask them if they think it's fit to eat. Me and my friends did that once. I got a pizza that was fucking hard as a rock and cold. My friend John took it up and smacked it on the counter and it 'cracked' in half, like a piece of cardboard. They gave us our money back.  I knew the place somewhat well and I'm pretty certain they didn't normally make food like that but after letting a pizza out for hours or something the manager has the option to either; throw it away and make a new pizza, or let it out and take the risk that someone will return it or hope they don't. In any case I never went there again until it was bought by new people years later.

btw, Hot Pockets... more like "Toilet Pocket...." -Jim Gaffigan

sorry to hear about your bike 
Mine broke over a year ago and I still haven't gotten it fixed 

[marleycake]

another reason to raise the minimum wage if you catch my drift 

[jackulator]

I agree people making shitty wages in foodservice is a bad idea... I would never fuck with anyone's food or do anything that would put someone at risk of getting sick, but some people will, and those people are probably more likely to do so if they're getting paid shit.